Marriage is what you make it

*Note: this is a response to Anthony D’Ambrosio’s opinion column on Asbury Park Press. 

Anthony says marriages just don’t work.

He says our generation isn’t equipped for it as much as the previous ones.

I have to disagree. Sure, plenty of studies show that millennials are waiting to get married much later in life, but there is definitely nothing wrong with that.

Sure, maybe the reason is that we can’t afford it–which Anthony does a great job at pointing out–but this also gives us more time to make better choices and mature.

We’re done with the days where children are having children.

People are waiting for marriage and to buy houses, but not because marriage doesn’t work for us.

Anthony says there are five reasons why marriage doesn’t work in our generation:

1. Sex becomes almost non-existent
2. Finances cripple us
3. We’re more connected than ever before, but also completely disconnected
4. Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to be loved
5. Social media has caused us to throw out our privacy and because of it “nothing is sacred anymore” 

Let me just start with no.1 of the list. Sex is non-existent? Huh? What? On what planet?

If anything, I think our generation is having more sex because for one, we’re still young. There is more sex education than ever and there is a wider spread use of contraceptives.

Anthony, you might have a disconnected sex life, but do you think it is perhaps because women just don’t want to sleep with the men that don’t show signs they’ll stick around? Maybe your general attitude that our generation doesn’t believe in love is being reflected in your encounters.

And if you by chance are right about “sex being non-existent,” maybe it is just because these people are pickier about who they choose to sleep with and are still looking for that perfect person to share this experience with.

Who cares who people are sleeping with anyway? What people choose to do in their relationships is between the man and woman (or man and man, woman and woman or whoever).

Number two. 

Finances cripple us. I agree and I’ve already stated that I do agree. However, the economy has been worse. What about couples that made it through the Great Depression? What about the couples who made it through the market crash of 2008?

If you have the mindset that your relationship will make it “for better, for worse, for richer, for poorer and in sickness and in health” then you are already equipped to handle the rough patches that come from being in a relationship.

Three. We’re more connected, but completely disconnected. 

Not to say I’m going to marry this guy, but I met my recent boyfriend online and I think these arguments can be made for any relationship.

Social media and texting doesn’t hurt our relationship at all. It makes it better.

At the same time, I think you have to have both: effort to see each other in person and communication when you’re apart. Technology is there as a tool for assisting a relationship–not building and maintaining one.

As long as both persons put value on seeing one another face-to-face, then I believe there is nothing wrong with using technology, too.

Our desire for attention outweighs our desire to love. 

I can’t disagree with this one. While love is a fundamental connection that many of us seek, the desire for attention can cloud our judgment–and social media is the very drug to satisfy those cravings.

Anthony states, “You can’t love someone when you’re preoccupied with worrying about what others think of you.”

I’ll give you that one, Anthony, because I completely agree that this is something everyone in our generation needs to work on. It has to do with balancing our values.

Do you value Facebook likes more than finding love? That’s for you to decide.

Last but not least, number four and five go hand in hand. Is social media the culprit for failed relationships? 

This is a question that cannot be tackled by society, but rather by the individual.

It all goes back to what you ultimately value and want to achieve in your life. Once you know what your values are, you will find that right person to balance you out.

At the same time, just because you want to be in a relationship, it doesn’t mean you should force one.

So what can we do?

Maybe Anthony is right: maybe our society is changing and maybe as a whole, we no longer value marriage, but I don’t necessarily think we have a “problem.”

Ultimately, a relationship is an individual’s decision anyway. If you just focus on happiness, the pieces will always fall into place.

Making good strides

I realized I’ve neglected this blog, and I’m sorry–but there’s a good reason for it!

Since I’ve been home from Spain and I graduated college in December, I was on a stressful hunt for a job (I’m sure we’ve all been there).

Fortunately, an opportunity arose to work on the public relations team at Quicken Loans. Turns out…. it was actually just an internship.

However, the offer was a paid, full-time internship, so that changed things a bit.

Whether I thought I would enjoy it or not, I thought to myself, this is a nationally-recognized company and it’s great experience.

So I’ve been working there for the past 3.5 weeks, and I’ve gotta say: I LOVE IT.

On top of working directly with professionals in the mortgage industry, including the top leadership in the company, I’ve never felt so challenged and excited about a position. Learning new things has always been a passion of mine.

To top it all off, while I better my brain, I’m also trying to better my body.

I joined Planet Fitness, and have been there every day since Sunday (which hopefully I can keep up with).

So, to wrap up this completely not newsworthy blog post, I’d like to conclude by saying just one thing:

Never stop learning and reaching for your goals because as they say, if you set your mind to it–you can achieve it. 

After you hit rock bottom, all you can do is climb

81 days. That’s how long I’ve been in Alicante, Spain. Just imagine what can change in that amount of time.

I could have spent my last semester of college at CMU, taking the easy route and going about my normal habitual days: stopping in the morning for a coffee, avoiding the library and gym, and trying to meet the most interesting people I could.

But–I decided that this is my last opportunity to do something amazing before I’m done with college forever: study abroad.

Now, here I am reflecting on these 81 days. I can still remember the thoughts that went through my head the very first day I stepped off the plane. Those thoughts are a mere memory of the “before-study-abroad Chelsea.”

It’s hard to say exactly how this trip will affect my future, but I have confidence that it will be for the best. However, I didn’t realize the personal worth of this trip until I hit rock bottom. They say you can never truly feel love without knowing pain, or that you can never understand a point of view until you’ve walked a day in those shoes. Now, I understand.

“Below so much grey, lives a neighborhood full of color.”

Here are some of recent, most fruitful discoveries I’ve learned from studying abroad.

1. Before coming here, I called myself “worldly” and said “I love to travel” but that takes on a whole new meaning for me now. Going on vacation does not mean traveling. Meeting the people, plunging into the culture, experiencing a different way of life–that is traveling. Besides, if you don’t learn anything new while in a new place, what’s the point anyway?

2. Coming here has tested my patience. I’ve always considered myself a patient person, but being perfectly patient is damn near impossible. It takes a toll on you sometimes. Sometimes you can only handle so much until you’re pushed past a breaking point. At times here, I’ve become a nasty person. I’ve seen myself treat others poorly due to the negativity building up inside of me and spilling over the edges. Which leads me to my next discovery.

3. You and only you control your own happiness. I’ve always believed this, but I never realized it until I was completely alone. When you get comfortable with your location, with your friends, with your life, you learn that you can always fall back on those things. Since being virtually “alone” in this new place, I’ve learned that my thoughts have the power to make this trip good or bad. Which, wow this is sequential, because it leads to point number four.

4. Never be afraid to ask for help. I was struggling with a situation here that was only my problem and I thought I had no one here to share my feelings with. I spent many days in my room stressing, thinking, isolating and all this achieved was to successfully make my problem worse. Sometimes, you get stuck in a spiral of negative thoughts and it seems like you’re trying to swim against a riptide, when in reality all it takes to get you out is a fresh, new perspective.

5. One of the new perspectives I gained here includes fully understanding that it is virtually impossible to get along with everyone. And sometimes, there’s people you wish you could get along with, but you can’t. Prime example: my host mom. We butt heads about absolutely everything. She even said to me, “you and I, we are just incompatible.” I knew it. She knew. It’s been a cloud of tension in the air, but you’re going to face this your entire life. You’re never going to like all of your peers or all of your coworkers, but so what? Be civil. Be respectful, and get on with your day.

6. “Mis monos” as they call it in Spain, otherwise known as “my cravings,” are probably as hard to kick as a drug. I was so accustomed to coffee every morning, beverages every weekend, and naps every day. Why? I thought coffee energized me, I thought alcohol helped me relax and let go, and I thought naps made me feel better. It’s incredible how kicking caffeine, alcohol and even junk food has changed me completely. Without caffeine, I’ve been sleeping better and if I sleep better I won’t need naps. I also never realized how unhealthy my eating habits were until I was forced to completely change them. I can’t believe that the few things I absolutely loved and craved now make me feel like absolute garbage. Incredible.

7. Next, being in the position of a minority changes everything. When you’re a minority in another culture, it’s almost like you don’t get to choose who you’re around, those people choose you. I reached out to people, but since I’m different and maybe not the best at Spanish, being friends with me is too much trouble. Many people don’t care to leave their comfortable “bubble” and I know they don’t want to explain the meaning of every slang sentence to me. I know it because I’ve been in their shoes. Oh, how the tables have turned. It’s so much easier to see the whole picture when you’ve been on both sides. But now I know, if someone doesn’t have the patience for me and doesn’t want to learn about me, I shouldn’t let it bother me. It’s just going to influence how I treat people and try to understand them from this point onward. Which brings me my last, but excellent discovery.

8. Body language. I’m so much more conscious of body language now, of others and of myself. When you’re learning a second language, you don’t have much of a choice. Sometimes body language can be more powerful than words. Especially if you’re studying PR like myself, controlling your own body language and learning the signs is something we need to absolutely soak in like a sponge. Communication is a crazy thing, isn’t it?

So finally, I’d like to conclude by saying that I’ve been confused, lost in translation, frustrated and even felt like I emotionally hit rock bottom, but even after the “montón de estrés” that I’ve experienced while being here, I have learned some pretty valuable lessons. Studying abroad has been one of the most thrilling rides of my life, and I hope the adventures won’t end here because I’ll take these memories and lessons with me for a lifetime.

8 things working people hate hearing from people without jobs

Let’s face it. We work hard and we try to have lives outside of work, but it’s a careful, steady balance between being exhausted all of the time, or just choosing to not have a life. Lately, I’ve been working seven days a week, and no I don’t exactly enjoy it (although it’s definitely better than being jobless).

I’m about to be 23 and I’d like to bet we all know someone our age who doesn’t have a job—and never has. Or maybe you just know someone who doesn’t need to work and takes a lot of time off or only works three to four days a week. So when we hear the following requests from people who are just trying to party and have fun, it kind of rubs us the wrong way, and here’s why:

1. “Come to so & so’s house/the bar/a restaurant/the party/etc straight after work!” 

I rarely have time in the day to shower, let alone sit down for 5 minutes. The last thing I want to do after busting my butt at work is to rush around, get ready and take off as soon as I got home. I need to wind down and relax for a minute. I would love to see you and hangout with you, but I’ll get there when I get there.

2. “Just drink a coffee/energy drink/pop!”

That would make number ten today. When you’re this tired, no amount of caffeine will help me…and it can’t be good for my heart, either. If I’m tired, I’m staying home.

3. “You don’t need sleep/Just don’t sleep!”

As much as I wish this were true, the signs my body is giving me say otherwise. I’ve likely already been running on E for five days straight. If I don’t sleep well, my exhaustion is just going to keep snowballing until I turn into a zombie.

4. “Your job can’t be that hard.” 

Despite how “hard” you may perceive my job, it is still a job and I put a lot of time and energy into it. I’m lucky enough to have a job and I’m going to continue to work hard so I can get where I want to be in life.

5. “Just go to work hungover tomorrow!”

I’m old enough to realize now that there comes a time when responsibility, common sense and being a good worker is more important to you than getting wasted. Mind you, I do go out and have fun as much as possible, but getting drunk to the point of being hungover at work isn’t worth it anymore. I did it once this summer, a few months ago, but no amount of “fun” the night before is worth it to me now.

6. “You’re lazy (because you don’t want to come out with us).”

Working 60 hours a week makes me lazy. Yep, you’re right.

7.  “You’re no fun.” 

Say what you want, but— work hard, play hard. It’ll pay off for me and my life will be way more fun in the future if I sacrifice a little bit of fun right now.

8.  “Just quit your job.” 

I shouldn’t even have to explain why this just isn’t reasonable.

</rant> 

 

So, as much as I may sound like a Debby-downer in this post, I really do cherish my job(s) and I’m fortunate enough to have them. Not to mention, most of us are working really hard towards a much larger goal, and I wish people would respect that instead of teasing and nagging when we respectfully say “no” to going out or getting drunk until the wee hours of the morning.

So work on, my little worker bees and be proud!

Happy Birthday Mom!

 

Happy 51st birthday to my beautiful mother, Dawn!

I’d like to take this day to tell my mother, and the whole world, how special she is to me and how much I love her. Even if I don’t say it, and even if I don’t act like it sometimes, I wish there was another way to say “thank you” for everything that you have done for me, mom.

Besides for the obvious, bringing me to this earth, you’ve done far more than anyone ever has for me.

You’re my best friend, my caregiver, my roof over my head, my warm embrace, my wisdom-keeper and direction in life.

You always made me feel like I was worth it, I could do better, I AM better and that anything is possible. But really, it never would’ve been possible without you.

I never would’ve made it to college or had the confidence that I do if it wasn’t for you! You’re a strong woman and even if we butt heads, I know it’s for the best. You’ve always wanted the best for me, and you’ve selflessly helped me along the way. The traits that you have as a person are the ones I hope I have for my entire life.

I could write all day about how you’ve helped me out, but I just want to close this post by saying

No matter where I end up and no matter what happens, I love you and appreciate you. Happy birthday! ❤

“The special bond shared between a mother and daughter is the one place in all the world where hearts can be sure of each other.

Like branches on a tree, we may grow in different directions, but our roots remain one.

And through the fury of the storm or the calm of the rainbow, we depend on each other for understanding and compassion.

We will always share these moments, sparkling like a star in our hand, keeping memories we have gathered through the years close to our hearts.”

I Was Nominated For The Versatile Blogger Award!

 

Hello and welcome to my blog! I’ve recently been nominated for The Versatile Blogger Award by Girl in the Leopard Print Pants.

What is this award? It’s simple.

Here are the rules for accepting and passing on The Versatile Blogger Award:

• Thank the blogger who nominated you, and link back to their blog.
• List 7 fun facts about yourself.
• Nominate 10 other bloggers to receive the award. Your nominees should be bloggers that are versatile in nature. Their blogs should include a mix of stories, poems, messages, essays, etc.

 

So, without further adieu, here are seven interesting facts about myself:

1. I’m a vegetarian. I started researching factory farming at age 15 and even at that young age, I realized how detrimental it was to the (sacred) earth, our bodies and the animals. So, for 7 years, I’ve been going strong as a veg-head.

2. I longboard. When I moved away for college, I found out about longboarding and was always intrigued. I used to (try to) skateboard as a kid, so I figured, how hard could it be? A friend of mine was selling his board, so I bought it and began riding (not without enduring a lot of scrapes and bruises). I’ve been longboarding for two years because it’s so relaxing and frees me from the world.

3. I love EDM. It’s literally an addiction. I listen to other genres, but somehow have been addicted to electronic dance music for years and I just can’t stop. Festivals, concerts or just jamming out in my room or car–I love listening to it everywhere.

4. I’m still searching for the meaning of life. Seriously, though. Why are we here? We’re a tiny spec in the vast universe, just floating. It blows my mind that we don’t know more. I’m just going to live my life being happy and enjoying it because I do know that I’m only in this body on this earth for the short period of my life…I think.

5. I like doing things alone. I love my friends and family and I am a very social person, but sometimes I enjoy being alone. I’ve been to bars alone, parties alone, I always grocery shop alone and I even go out to eat alone. I think that makes me pretty independent, right?

6. I write. Big surprise there, right? I’ve kept journals since 2001, which I still manage to write in every so often. I’ve written over 90 poems (that are saved on my computer and not including ones on paper). I also wrote short stories back in the day, which lately I haven’t had time for. Oh, not to mention, I’m a PR person.

7. I’m going to Spain this September to study abroad. This is a going to be a huge experience for me. My minor is Spanish, so I’ll be completing my degree in Spain in the fall. If you want to know more, or help out, my website is http://www.gofundme.com/helpchelseagotospain

 

MY NOMINEES:

1. Living Life in the Driver Seat…Because it’s Mine A personal blog by Shelby Jackson

2. Amy Akers A personal blog by Amy Akers

3. Emotion on Canvas An art blog by Ray Ferrer

4. I’ve become my parents A personal blog by an anonymous blogger “Mr. My Parents”

5. Chris Zadorozny A sports blog by freelance sports reporter, Chris Zadorozny

6. A Slice of Understanding A personal blog by Jacquelyn Baker

7. Soubriquet A personal blog by Maggie Sisco

8. HarsH ReaLiTy A personal blog by Jason Cushman “Opinionated Man”

9. The War in My Brain A personal blog about mental health

10. The PR News Blog Just a good ol’ PR blog by PR News Online

 

 

Congratulations on your nominations and please tag me in your new post & pass it along!

 

Versatile Blogger Award Nomination!!

I was nominated! I’ll be posting my own nominations shortly.